How does bullying affect me?
Does sex make a difference?
Are there any other types of bullying?
How widespread is bullying?
What do the schools say about bullying
What can I do?
What are my rights?
How do I complain to my School?
Will the School Counsellor or my teacher tell anyone about the bullying?
What will the school do?
What should I do if I’m unhappy about what the school is doing?
How can I get over the effects of being bullied?
Where can I get more information about bullying?

What is bullying?

Bullying is when someone keeps saying or doing things to have power over another person.
Some of the ways they bully other people are by:

• Calling them names
• Saying or writing nasty things about them
• Making them feel uncomfortable or scared
• Leaving them out of activities
• Not talking to them
• Threatening them
• Taking or damaging their things
• Hitting or kicking them
• Making them do things they don’t want to do.

Bullying is behaviour that makes the person being bullied feel afraid or uncomfortable. (Source: Police and Telecom anti-bullying campaign pamphlet).

Bullying can take the form of physical abuse and standover tactics, or it can be less obvious, but just as harmful. It can involve gossip and suggestive comments, practical jokes, calling someone names or putting them down, swearing and yelling at them, or not talking to them and leaving them out. (Adapted from article in Sunday Star Times, Fear and Loathing at Work, October 18, 1998).

The word “bullying” is often used by schools even when serious assaults, harassment and intimidation have taken place. According to experienced teachers the name calling, “humiliation” (shaming) and exclusion from groups and games make up between 80 and 95 per cent of all bullying.

How does bullying affect me?

Everyone is different, but if you are being bullied you may feel one or more of the following;

• Sad,
• Angry,
• Scared,
• Stroppy,
• Worried,
• Tense or anxious,
• Don’t want to go to school,
• Don’t feel like eating, or hanging out with friends,
• Can’t sleep, or you have nightmares
• Feel like running away,
• Feeling stink,
• Hurting yourself

If you have a feeling that something’s wrong, you have the right to check it out with someone who can help you. Try telling a trusted adult or teacher, and keep reading for more information.

Does sex make a difference?

Australian research shows that boys will use physical violence and threats of violence more than girls will. Girls are more likely to make insulting remarks or to spread rumours or humiliate other girls.

Are there any other types of bullying?

Another type of bullying is that by teachers. A teacher may humiliate a child in front of the class or his/her friends, repeatedly. There may be a personality conflict between the child and the teacher or (in more extreme cases) between the child’s parents and the teacher. Some teachers use sarcasm and harassment to manage their classrooms. This is still bullying and you can complain to the principal if this is happening.

If you’re being bullied outside of school, see our information sheet “Harassment and how to stop it” and our publications “Leave me Alone! -At Home” and “Leave me Alone! -At School and Work” (for workplace bullying). If someone is harassing you, you can apply for a restraining order – but you can only get these against people who are over 17, so they aren’t much help for bullying at school.

How widespread is bullying?

Within any particular year it is likely that at least half, and perhaps as many as three-quarters of children will report being bullied. 10% are bullied weekly. Furthermore 30% of children felt that they had been treated unfairly or bullied by adults. (Source: Maxwell and Carroll-Lind 1996).

Other research has revealed that many students do not want to talk about being bullied at the time it happens. In a recent survey only 20% of children told a teacher when they were bullied. This can make it difficult for schools to have a good grasp on the bullying situation within the school. (Source: www.nobully.org.nz).

Bullying usually happens out of sight, away from teachers, or other adults. The people most likely to know what is going on are other children.

What do the schools say about bullying?

Schools may minimise what they see as bullying. There can be a difference between what parents and students feel is unacceptable, and what the school principal or Board of Trustees think it should not tolerate. Some schools are doing more to combat bullying, and good schools will have a complaints policy, and even a policy directly on bullying.

In 1997 a coroner’s report stated that: “I believe schools… have a positive duty to be vigilant… to guard against bullying and to deal with it and stamp it out if it occurs. The consequences of a failure to do that can be very profound. (Source: www.nobully.org.nz).
Good schools are very public about their opposition to bullying and intervene when bullying or any other violence is suspected or identified. They actively promote considerate and non-violent behaviour. (Source: Education Review Office Report – Choosing a School for a Five Year Old – No.2 Summer 1997).

Bullying is physical, verbal and emotional assault. Bullying can occur among pupils or it can involve teachers. All schools should take steps to eliminate bullying and it should never be dismissed as simply part of growing up. (Source: Education Review Office Report – Choosing a School for a Five Year Old – No.2 Summer 1997).

A number of schools have participated in the very successful “Eliminating Violence Programmes” run by Special Education Services.

Who is bullying?

In many instances the bully is also a victim. S/he may come from a violent or troubled home, and in some instances is actually the victim of bullying themselves. A bully will often be unhappy, lonely and find it hard to make friends.

Many bullies have low self-esteem. The feel unsuccessful and unhappy so do not want anyone else to be successful and happy. This is why they often target students who seem to be doing well. A bully may not be getting good marks or may feel uninterested in school.

Why do they bully?

Bullying is a form of power and control. The abuser is trying to gain power over you to control you. They are unable to have a healthy relationship with you because of their own hang-ups so they resort to bad behaviour to get you to do what they want. The problem is theirs. They are unable to treat you as an equal. This harms the abuser but more importantly it harms you.

Some of the ways bullies use power and control might include using intimidation, put downs and name-calling, treating you like a second-class citizen, threatening you if you tell anyone or treating you badly because you are young.

A bully sometimes bullies a student so that s/he can impress other students by being tough and be accepted by them.

What can I do?

Try doing some of the following things:

• Tell someone you trust – it’s not telling tales. This person might be a parent, teacher, school counsellor, family member, or principal.
• If you’re being bullied because you’re different – don’t let it get you down. Be proud of who you are and stand strong – Kia kaha! (remember that the bully is the one with the problem, not you!)
• Try avoiding places where you are bullied, or take friends along with you.
• If you can – tell the bully you’re not going to put up with it anymore, and that you’re going to tell someone. It’s a good idea to practice what you’re going to say to the bully.
• If the bully is hurting you or ganging up on you yell for help and get out of there as fast as you can. Fighting back might get you into trouble too.
• If you don’t want to talk about the bullying to someone you know, ring your local Youth Aid Police Officer or speak to a police education officer at your school. You can also try contacting the Commissioner for Children, your local community law centre or YouthLaw. (See the Help section at the end of this information sheet).
• Ring the free NO BULLY helpline (0800 66 28 55). It’s free and nobody asks who you are.

It’s really important to tell an adult if you are being bullied, not telling allows bullying to continue. Remember you’ve done nothing wrong by complaining, and it’s your right to be left in peace.

It takes courage to make a stand against bullying – but remember, everyone is better off when it stops- especially you. Read on and don’t forget there are plenty of people out there willing to help you.

What are my rights?

The Board of Trustees is responsible for the health and safety of everyone at school. Board of trustees must:

• Provide a safe physical and emotional environment for students, and
• Follow any other laws that are in force to make sure students and staff are safe at school.

A school must provide an environment, which will help its students learn. A student cannot learn properly if they are fearful or stressed. A school has a duty to deal with this if the cause of it is within the school. This means that the school must do everything it can to prevent bullying, harassment and abuse. This includes dealing with all complaints about it. If it matters to you it should be taken seriously.

The office of the Commissioner for Children has made recommendations about how schools should respond to reports of bullying.
Parents and Children should expect:

• To be heard and responded to sensitively without being dismissed out of hand.
• To be told all forms of violence are against school policy and reminded what that policy is.
• To be told that the report will be investigated and that there will be a response, to receive feedback on the situation reported and to have the incident responded to in a way that is appropriate to its nature.
• To be provided with protection from negative consequences of their reporting.
• That the school will intervene and support victims and respond to “perpetrators” (bullies).
• New Zealand has also “ratified” the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child. This means that the government has agreed to give effect to the rights and freedoms within the Convention. It says that:
• Young people have the right to protection from all forms of abuse (such as bullying and harassment).
• Young people have the right to participation in society (having a say in matters affecting you).

How do I complain to my School?

Good schools have a complaints policy, which will tell you how complaints should be made and how they will be investigated. Many schools have a written statement saying what will happen if a complaint is made about the abuse. If there isn’t a policy, and even if there is, it may be useful to ask the principal the following questions:

• What is the school’s policy on bullying?
• What is the school doing to prevent bullying?
• What programmes have been run, or are planned, to raise awareness and educate students about how to stay safe at school?
• What procedures are in place for dealing with bullying?
• Are all complaints investigated? If not, who decides which complaints are to be followed up and how is this decision made?
• Who should bullying be reported to?
• If a student feels more comfortable reporting bullying to someone else, will the school still follow up that report?
• Who can a student turn to for support if they have made a complaint of bullying at school?

For more information on complaints see our information sheet, “Making Complaints to Schools”.

The Police

The Police will rarely become involved in a case of bullying, as it is not considered serious enough to need Police interference. However, it is a criminal offence to hit someone so if you are being hit and the school won’t take action you might want to get your local Youth Aid Officer involved. It can help to have an advocate or support person with you when you make a complaint to the Police.

It will help if you have written down:

• A description of the person who has bullied you.
• Whether anyone else saw what happened, and their names if possible.
• What happened.
• Anything else, which you might think, is important.

A Police Officer may arrange to see you and take a statement from you about what has happened. The Police Officer will ask you questions about what happened, write down your answers and get you to sign it.

The Police will then talk to the bully to find out what he/she says happened. They may also talk to other people who you have told about the problem, or who may have seen or heard something.

Once the Police have finished doing this they will decide whether to charge the person you say abused you. They will think about whether what happened is an offence (e.g. assault), and whether it can be proven in court. The Police will tell you whether they are going to charge the person and take him/her to Court. If they aren’t going to charge the person they have to tell you why.


Help from other students

You may want to talk with other students in your class about what is happening. This may show that others have also been harassed. If so, you could form a group in order to protect each other by following the old saying, “safety in numbers”. This chat with classmates may mean that other students will ‘look out’ for the bullying and stop it.

In New Zealand there are currently three “Peer Support” type programmes running. They are:

• Cool Schools Peer Mediation Support Group. This is programme run in both primary and secondary schools, where a student trained as a third party mediator, helps other student’s sort out their issues. It is run by the Foundation for Peace Studies Aotearoa, phone (09) 373 2379 .
• TADS Peer Education Project (Tobacco, Alcohol and Drugs Brief Intervention Project) - phone (09) 3737 599 ex 4641.
• Peer Sexuality Support Programme – A school based programme for senior secondary school students to provide support and help for students regarding sexual issues. Phone (09) 307 8991 .

To see if your school is involved in a Peer Support Programme talk to your Guidance Counsellor, Dean or Deputy Principal.

Help from your family

It is probably best if you are being bullied to tell your parents, so that they can try to stop it. They can speak to the bully’s family and/or the school so that the bully’s family and/or the school can work to stop the bullying.

Help from the school

When you have been bullied, you should tell your teacher, even if this only lets him/her know that you think there is a problem. The teacher may then take action, probably by telling the bully off. Although physical violence or spoken harassment is bullying even when it has happened only once, the school probably won’t punish the bully until the second or third time it has happened, except where it is very bad. If it is not the first time that the bullying has occurred the teacher will probably give the bully a detention. If it is very serious the teacher will probably tell the Deputy Principal.

If you are at secondary school you will have a form Dean who is there to sort out these types of problem. The Dean can also punish the bully, but again if the problem is very serious he or she will usually tell the Deputy Principal. If you are at secondary school your school will probably have a School Guidance Counsellor. It can help to talk to them about what’s happening to you. The Counsellor cannot punish the bully but can tell other people who can.

It is important for you to make it clear to the school and your parents that it is a real problem for you and something must be done about it. If you are bullied you might not want to go to school. If you start missing school, your studies will suffer so it is important that you get something done about the bullying as soon as you can.

Will the School Counsellor or my teacher tell anyone about the bullying?

When you confide in someone you should know that they might not keep your secrets, even if you ask them to. They may think that it’s important for your well-being or safety to report the problem. If you are under 17 school counsellors and other counsellors can also tell Children Youth and Family Services (CYFS) or the Police if they believe you are at risk.

They can do this even when you have asked them not to. But there is no law saying they must contact the Police or CYFS. Many counsellors will respect a young person’s right to make their own decisions in their own time. Many counsellors agree to a professional code of ethics that says they should not breach your confidentiality unless you or others are in clear and immediate danger. Counsellors may also be bound by the Code of Health Consumers Rights, which says that they must respect your dignity, privacy and independence.

It is good professional practice for school counsellors/teachers to let you know when/if they will tell your secrets to CYFS the Police, or others before they start counselling you. You can ask them what they will keep private at the beginning of the meeting.

School teachers do not have a legal obligation to keep your secrets and if you are under 17 they can pass information to the Police or CYFS. If you are thinking of confiding in a school counsellor, teacher or other professional check out their views about reporting problems before you talk to them. School Counsellors and teachers should not gossip about your case to other people in the school. If they do, you can ask your caregivers to help you make a complaint to the school. For more information on how to do this, see our information sheet, “Making Complaints to Schools.”

What will the school do?

If the problem is considered to be serious enough the school will take action. Usually the school will talk to you and the bully to find out what has happened. They may also bring in other students to confirm the stories.

For the bully there will generally be punishment ranging from detention to suspension. Where the punishment is suspension, under the Education Act the bully’s caregivers must be brought in and the problem discussed. The bully may be sent for guidance counselling to find out what the problem is and to attempt to sort it out.

If the bully is suspended, once he/she is allowed back to school, the teachers will probably keep a close eye on them to make sure they don’t start bullying again.

What should I do if I’m unhappy about what the school is doing?

If you’re not happy about the way that your complaint has been dealt with by the principal you can make a written complaint to the Board of Trustees. Ask to attend the Board meeting at which your complaint will be discussed. You and your supporters need the Chairperson’s permission to speak at the meeting. It may help if you take along someone who is used to dealing with these sorts of complaints. YouthLaw or some of the other agencies listed at the end of this information sheet may be able to help.

If you’re still not happy with the way the Board of Trustees deals with your complaint you can complain to the Education Review Office, the Ministry of Education, or the Commissioner for Children. See the Help section at the back of this information sheet for details. There are other options, see our “Complaints to School” Information sheet for more information on these.
Where there is long term, systematic bullying, as may happen to special needs children, the school may also be held responsible under the Health and Safety in Employment Act 1992. The Act says that every employer shall take all practicable steps to ensure that no action or inaction of any employee while at work harms any other person. This means that the Board of Trustees (employer) should make sure that no inaction by school staff (employees - including teacher aides) harms any other person (the children).

No one has taken a case like this about bullying to court, though schools have been held liable for failing to have proper safety glass. The problem is that only Department of Labour Inspectors are allowed to bring prosecutions under this Act (you have to get the Inspectors to look into the problem). There are approximately twelve Inspectors in New Zealand, who are very busy. It may be difficult to get them to investigate bullying, unless the bullying has resulted in very serious harm. Also criminal charges cannot be laid against the Crown under the Act. The courts haven’t decided whether state schools are part of the Crown, but the Inspectors consider that they are. Because of this, there are likely to be problems bringing a charge against a state school under the Health and Safety in Employment Act but a recent New Zealand case suggests that a school may be liable under the Act. You would need to speak to a lawyer about this.

It may also be possible to hold the school “liable” (legally responsible) under civil (i.e. not criminal) law for negligence and nuisance. These types of court action only rarely succeed against schools, and can be quite expensive. Claimants would need to seek “exemplary damages”, which means that the school would be punished for not stopping the bullying by having to pay money. This is different from compensating you with money for loss they have caused you.

Under negligence, physical injuries or psychological injuries received in relation to a physical injury, are likely to be covered by ACC, so no court action could be taken in relation to these injuries. If a court action were to be taken under nuisance the claimant would need to show that the school and teachers created a public nuisance. You will need to speak to a lawyer about whether these options are available to you.

How can I get over the effects of being bullied?

The school can organise counselling for you with the School Counsellor or you can approach the School Counsellor or another counsellor yourself, to talk about what's happened to you. A counsellor is someone you can talk with about what has happened. This will help you understand and deal with your feelings. Regardless of whether or not a school has a School Counsellor, the Principal of a state, kura kaupapa Maori or integrated school is required by law to take all reasonable steps to make sure students get good guidance and counselling.

You can call:

Youthline: 0800 376-6633, (Auckland) 09 376-6633 or (Wellington) 04-0382 8828
Kidsline: 0800 5437 5463 (for 9 to 13yr olds)

Or you can call another telephone counselling service. These organisations may be able to tell you about other services offered by community based support groups or refer you to a counsellor, psychotherapist or psychologist who deals with these types of issues.

Other - In order to overcome the effects of bullying, and build up self confidence many young people take up a martial art like tae kwon do or learn other forms of self defence.

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